


he just holds his breath

by nosecoffee



Series: kids are still depressed when you dress them up [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Birthdays, F/F, Fluff, Hospitalisation, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Injury, M/M, Mild Gore, New Conspiracy: Connor didn't finish the milk, Newspapers, Pudding Cups, Queen - Freeform, Secret Identity, Sibling Bonding, Smoking, Spiderman AU, Spontaneous Teeth Brushing, Superheros, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Violence, bank robberies, guitar picks, im back on my bullshit, it's nearly midnight, some blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecoffee/pseuds/nosecoffee
Summary: The picture is good. She didn't even know someone could take such an awesome photo on their phone.Zoe doesn't mean to laugh at how dramatic it all looks. Her hanging, limp and unconscious from Spiderman's arms, as he stands at the edge of a pile of rubble. She imagines when she gets back to school she'll get all sorts of questions."What was it like to be saved by Spiderman?"





	he just holds his breath

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Wow" by Kate Bush
> 
> I'm back on my bullshit, apparently, because this here is the fourth part of my Spiderman AU, and I'm ridiculously proud of it. It's not quite as funny as all the others, but I'm finally involving Zoe, which has been a long term goal for me, so there.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Zoe gets up at three-twenty-six am when she remembers she didn't brush her teeth after dinner.

She opens the door whose hinges need oiling (like, Tin Man at the start of _Wizard of Oz_ level oiling) and crosses the landing whose floorboards creak like they're fifty years old (they're forty-six, but hey, who's counting?)

(Answer? Zoe.)

She closes the bathroom door and turns on the light, looking only briefly at her reflection.

Heavy bags under her eyes. Hair sticking up on one side, squished on the other. Tired, mascara-smudged eyes. Chapped lips.

She truly is the beauty her mother calls her, Zoe thinks, squishing the toothpaste into the bristles of her toothbrush with her index finger.

Zoe sits on the closed toilet seat in the cliché pink-floral bathroom, brushes her teeth, and feels herself grow colder by the minute, bare feet flat against the salmon coloured tiles.

Goosebumps rise on her arms under her _Nirvana_ t-shirt, the one she stole from Connor during the last wash cycle and he has yet to reclaim, and her knees knock together a little just under the hem of her _Star Wars_ pyjama shorts.

She honestly hates it here, finds herself missing her cramped ensuite back home, missing the gentle squeaks and creaks and groans the whole house makes that are much more home than the ones on the dark landing in her grandparents house, the way she often does when she's awake at three am.

Zoe spits in the sink, ignores the streaks of pink in the frothy paste, because she's too tired to be careful around her gums.

Truthfully, she just had to get out of the stuffy, cheerful yellow room she's inhabited for the last five days. She hates it, but she'd never say that to her parents, never dare.

She hasn't seen her mom this happy for a long, long time.

Zoe rinses the toothbrush and gets a palm full of water to finish up, gurgling loudly at the back of her throat.

She spits and grins at her reflection, checking for any minor improvements in her teeth. Nothing substantial, but it's not like they're falling out.

She didn't even wake up because she realised she hadn't brushed her teeth. She hasn't slept for a while now.

It's been ages, really, since she's been absolutely under.

Zoe wonders, briefly, how easy it'd be to get something to push her far off into the deep end for a couple of hours. Dismisses it.

She exits the room, leaving the door open a crack, letting pink-tinted light streak against the dark floorboards on the landing.

Zoe hurries back to her room and collapses on the bed.

Her phone is pressed uncomfortably against her spine and she pulls it out from under her with a groan, wincing at the brightness as she turns it on.

No notifications, and Zoe almost scoffs at herself, thinking of course. Who'd be up this early to wish her a happy birthday?

~

When she gets back up at a more reasonable hour in the morning, later, her father's already gone - "To get your cake, sweetie," her mother explains, planting a happy kiss on her cheek - and her grandmother's snoozing in her chair by the bay-window. Her grandfather is having his morning smoke out on the porch, accompanied by Connor, with his own cigarettes. Zoe scoffs, because the only time he can properly smoke is when their father is out. (She also knows that Connor only smokes when he knows that Evan won't find out, because Evan hates it when Connor smokes.)

Her mother is making gluten-free waffles in the kitchen, (a truly disturbing concept), with promises of locally sourced maple syrup, strawberries, and cream.

It's enough to make her smile a little.

She goes through the motions, eats and smiles and laughs and opens presents.

An electronic guitar tuner from her grandparents, twenty metres worth of fairy lights, and some new headphones from her parents.

A letter from the Kleinman's with a twenty stuffed in, and Jared's scrawl in the corner.

A postcard from Alana Beck. (It's honestly the highlight of the whole day, getting an inconspicuous postcard from her girlfriend).

Zoe goes through the motions - thanks god that no one bought her clothes that she'd have to parade around this year - and eats her cake.

Her parents ruffle her hair at the end of the day, kiss her cheek, wish her a good night.

She waits on her bed, holding the fairy lights in her hands like Joyce Byers in _Stranger Things._ Waits and waits.

Zoe's not sure he's going to show. It's tradition, but, after everything, she's not sure he'll want to this year.

Her fears are soothed when Connor sneaks into her room once their parents' bedroom light goes out.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to come in." Zoe whispers to him, when he's seated on her bed, a shoebox, wrapped in a green ribbon, in his lap.

"And ruin tradition?" Connor responds, grinning in the warm light of the glowing fairy lights. "You insult me."

Zoe smacks his shoulder, lightly, and they giggle, together.

He hands her the shoe box - it rattles suspiciously, making Zoe raise an eyebrow at him - and she carefully unties the ribbon.

She lifts off the lid and muffles her laughter as she finds the box overflowing with guitar picks.

"I know how fast you lose them. That should have you covered for about two weeks." Connor whispers.

"Oh my _god."_

"You're welcome."

Zoe runs her hands through the box, making a soft, surprised noise when her hand hits something hard. She shoots Connor a look, and reaches into the box to retrieve the thing.

It's a CD case. Zoe pulls it out of the picks and hides a gasp as she extracts _Queen's 'A Night At a The Opera'_ from the box.

"Con." She whispers, and there are legitimate tears in her eyes. "How'd you know I-?"

"You stream it off Spotify all the time, I figured that you needed the real deal, since you were complaining about not being able to sync your phone with your car radio." He tells her, and Zoe tosses herself into his arms, tipping the shoebox over, spilling guitar picks out onto the coverlet.

"Thank you." Connor hugs her back.

"Only for you." He says, squeezing her tight.

Later, when she's sorting all the guitar picks into colour order, Zoe looks up and sees him smile with shiny white teeth (either he'd recently got them cleaned or he didn't often get up at three-twenty-six in the morning to brush his teeth the way she did.

"I don't hate you." She tells him, then. And he frowns, a little.

"You seem to act like it." Connor responds. He goes back to fiddling with the string.

"Well, I don't." Zoe says, and that seems to settle it, because he smiles, again, but different, this time, because it's been ages since he's done that. Been a while since she's made him smile that brightly.

~

Zoe isn't quite sure how exactly they managed to get into this position. Or, well, it's very clear in her mind, but she's not sure why she's in it.

It was something dumb. She wanted to get ice cream with Connor and his best-friend-turned-boyfriend, but the ice cream shop only took cash and the ATM down the street was out of order. So, they had to go to the bank, like the responsible teenagers they are, and use the ATM there.

Of course, because nothing is simple in this goddamn town, the minute they actually got the money out, Connor froze, and there was the very distinct sound of a large gun being cocked, and a booming voice telling everyone to get on the ground, right now.

And, of course, because Connor can't keep his humungous hero complex to himself, he decided to run right for the guy with the gun and ram his shoulder into the guys chest.

This - _of fucking course_ \- meant nothing to the other five robbers with equally as big guns, and Connor was soon on his knees, hands behind his head, and Evan was in a headlock for trying to kick one of them.

Zoe yelled for everyone to run as she kicked one of their knees out from under them and picked up his gun. There was chaos.

Everyone managed to escape, despite one of the robbers trying to block the exit. At least there was that. The two others threatened Zoe until she dropped the gun.

And then they dragged Evan away and the guy Connor had shoulder-rammed told two other guys to _"teach them a lesson"._

Now, both their backs are against the wall. Zoe isn't sure why they haven't shot them yet, but she's still bracing herself for it, the mans arm across her windpipe.

She doesn't even have the air to scream.

Zoe can't quite pry his arm from her throat as she struggles against it, black spots flooding her vision.

There's grunting to her side - Connor - and the sound of skin on skin and a gun shot, and then the arm is ripped away from her and she falls to her knees gasping and coughing.

She looks up and Connor's wrestling the man for a gun in between them. The man who had been restraining Connor is unconscious on the floor.

She grabs a gun off the floor, discarded by the other robbers, and doesn't hesitate to shoot the man in the leg at the same time that the gun goes off between him and Connor.

All three of them freeze.

The man makes a keening noise, toppling to his side. He hits his head on a table and goes still, on the ground.

Zoe gets to her feet. She turns to Connor, pulling her hair over one shoulder. "That was close - we should probably call an ambulance for them-"

And she notices how pale his face is.

"Connor?" His hands are cupped over his stomach and she watches in silent horror as blood wells between his fingers. He pulls them back and the wound to his stomach is clear.

His knees buckle and Zoe catches him.

"Somebody help!" She cries, Connor's eyes going wide with pain and panic as she lowers him onto the ground, pulling her hands away, quickly. "Please, _help!"_

He gasps for breath, and Zoe's fear bubbles in her stomach as she sees blood start to leak into his mouth, through his teeth, out the corner of his mouth, his chapped lips pale in comparison to the stark red.

"Where's Evan?" He asks, between wet breaths.

"I don't know." Zoe glances over her shoulder. There's no one there. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"Zoe, it's okay." Connor whispers.

"No, it's _not,_ Connor, you just got shot! In the stomach!" Zoe rips off her jacket, folds it up, and shoves it under his head. "Do you understand, can you even _conceive_ how damaging to your nervous system that is?"

"Zoe, look at me, please." Zoe looks down and his face is pale and deadly serious. "I'm going to be okay. I will be. I _promise_ you. Right now, we need to focus on finding Evan."

"How are you going to be okay?" She demands, panic still deep rooted in her lungs.

"I heal quickly." Connor claims, a small smile situated at the corner of his bloodstained lips. He coughs again, and lets out a small sound of pain.

"Bullshit!" Zoe cries, and stands up to go and find wherever they dropped her phone.

"Zoe, please." Connor begs, from the floor, hands flailing uselessly in her direction. Zoe doesn't know how to deal with a gunshot wound.

"Listen to me," Zoe says, rushing over to the unconscious man, and beginning to rifle through his pockets, "you're gonna die if we don't-"

"I'm Spiderman." He croaks. Zoe freezes.

"...Connor this isn't the time for a fucking joke-" She nearly screams, finding her phone in the mans pocket.

"I'm not joking!" He yells, and then winces, tossing his head back against the carpet, obviously in pain.

Zoe dials 911 and huffs at him, the worry not leaving her. "Prove it." She says, raising the phone to her ear.

"Really?" Connor asks, teeth clenched. He pulls up his shirt and Zoe watches in horror as the bullet pushes itself out of his skin. "We could be finding Evan and making sure he's safe but you want me to prove that I'm Spiderman?"

"Yeah." She says, numbly.

"...fine then." He holds up his hand and flicks his wrist. A web comes flying out of his veins - somehow, but Zoe is bewildered, ad not quite sure, how, either - and splatters on the wall behind her.

They're both frozen for a second.

"...Connor, what the _fuck."_ Zoe whispers, as the operator picks up.

~

"They've got him in the vault. I'm gonna get him out, restrain the robbers and then let the police in." Connor says to her.

"This is _so weird."_ She says in response. She's not wrong, either. After they called the police, Connor pulled the famous blue and red spandex suit that she's seen in Evan's pictures out of his backpack and told her to turn around while he got changed. And now they're crouched outside the vault.

"Could you please focus?" Connor huffs from behind the mask. It's still really weird for her to imagine that the hero who's been galavanting around their town for a few months now is her brother. It does explain the hospital visit with dad, a few weeks ago.

"How can I focus when my brother is Spiderman?" She replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, right now, I'm not Connor." Connor says, touching her shoulder. "You're not my sister; you're my accomplice, and we have to help these people. Got it?"

"Got it." Zoe nods, and grins at him. "Operation: Save Connor's Boyfriend is go."

"Seriously?" Connor sighs, standing up straight.

"Seriously. Now focus." She bumps his shoulder with her own and they nod to each other. Time to save Evan.

~

Connor comes to in a good amount of time, he thinks.

Well, actually, for a moment, he doesn't know where he is. And then the rubble steadily crushing him sends a spark of pain running up his spine and Connor really wakes up.

Oh _god,_ they had a _bomb._ He had webbed all the robbers against the walls, they were all leaving. Evan was tied to a chair. They were just going to leave him there. With a bomb. So heartless. But Connor got him out. Connor freed Evan and told him to run, and then Zoe had run in, and the bomb went off.

And now.

Now, Connor isn't even sure if any of the robbers are even alive. And he can't move anything from his ribs to his ankles.

He's trapped.

"Connor!" Someone beside him gasps and Connor focuses on Zoe, trapped, beside him. She's gasping for breath, her ribs being crushed by the large section of cement that's currently pinning him, painfully, to a jagged bit of wood. There's blood smeared across her face, blurred and mixed with tears, and she gasps, again.

Connor can hear sirens in the distance.

"Zoe, can you breathe?" He asks her.

She doesn't answer, just grabs his hand, hers bloodstained from a cut on her palm. Zoe squeezes it and lets out a bloodcurdling scream that cuts short a few moments later. "We're gonna die." She whispers, tears making her voice shake.

"No, we're not." Connor says. "We're gonna get out of here, and you're gonna live a really long, really happy life. This is not the end."

Zoe screams again, and now Connor can see the jagged bit of rubble, stabbed through her side. The more the rubble crushes them, the further into her it goes. Connor won't let that happen. Connor won't let his sister die.

"I'm gonna get us out of here, just you wait." He whispers, and leans as close to her as he can get. His mask, partially burned off from the bomb, exposes his mouth. He kisses the back of her hand, tasting blood on his lips, and releases her hand.

"Connor," she whispers, her eyes rolling back into her head, "don't. You'll hurt yourself."

Zoe goes limp and Connor screams as he begins to push the cement up, with his back, hands splayed out on uneven blocks of cement.

He screams louder as the sirens become louder. The cement shifts. He pushes harder, ignoring the part of his brain that screams at him that he's just hurting himself.

Connor takes a deep, painful breath, remnants of the bullet still hurting him, and he pushes the cement away, off of the both of them.

He stands on shaky legs and takes Zoe into his arms. He can't carry her over his shoulder without pushing the bit of cement further into her and hurting her, but he can't get them out of the hole without webbing out of there. So, he pulls her to her feet, pulls one of her arms around his neck, and holds her as tight as he dares, as he aims, with blurry vision, and flicks his wrist.

They go flying up out of the hole and Zoe very nearly slumps to the ground the moment they make it up. He catches her in his arm, and lifts her up, bridal style.

There are gasps of horror and shock as Connor walks out of the building holding her, and paramedics hurry to his side. They take Zoe away, on a gurney, and Evan follows them into the ambulance, looking over his shoulder. He catches sight of Connor, being swarmed by the crowd and gives him a nod.

Connor runs. Connor swings. Connor gets home and has three minutes to take the quickest shower of his life and look like he knew nothing about Zoe and the bank robbery.

Evan calls him. Tells him their cover story, and assures him that Zoe's already out of surgery and in the recovery ward.

And Connor waits for the panicked phone call from his mother.

~

Zoe stares at the front page of the newspaper. Her dad brought it with him, that morning.

"Thought you'd want to see how famous you are, right now." He'd said, kissing her on the forehead, ever so gently.

The picture is good. She didn't even know someone could take such an awesome photo on their phone.

Zoe doesn't mean to laugh at how dramatic it all looks. Her hanging, limp and unconscious from Spiderman's arms, as he stands at the edge of a pile of rubble. She imagines when she gets back to school she'll get all sorts of questions.

_"What was it like to be saved by Spiderman?"_

That's what they're calling him. They've been calling him that for a few months, now, but, up until now, it's never been anything big. There's never been any casualties, civilian or otherwise.

This was big. This was strange. There were casualties.

And we're it not for Spiderman, she'd be one of them. The doctors assure her of that.

The police ask her all sorts of questions. _Why was she at the bank? Who was she with? How did she get into the vault? Does she know the identity of Spiderman?_

This isn't the first time Zoe's lied to a policeman, but it's the first time her words. are printed, black and white, in the newspaper, below a dramatic photo of her and her brother in a dumb spandex suit his boyfriends friends mom made.

Alana was one of the first by her side when she woke. Alana kissing her cheeks, and crying, and asking if she was alright, and then her parents, and Evan and Connor, and Jared forced Alana to put him on speakerphone so he could promise her, the minute he got back from his grandparents, he'd come by, with the prettiest flowers he could afford.

Her mother sobbed into her hair, her father stroked it away from her face, Connor knelt by the bed, palm pressed to his mouth as he promised not to let her get hurt again.

Evan stood to the side, smiling in the only way you can smile in times like these. Happy that she recovered, but grim it occurred in the first place.

Today's the day, though. Today Connor will tell her about it all. Fill her in on what she's missed, on what she needs to know, how it happened and when and where and how many people already know.

Today's gonna be the day, she knows.

 _"'The bank has confirmed that there is no security footage of the attack, as the robbers disabled the cameras before storming the bank. Many victims were reluctant to comment, but Zoe Murphy, saved from the rubble by local masked hero, Spiderman, has released a few words.'"_ Connor reads out, dramatically from the newspaper. He imitates her as she reads the drafted comment her father approved of, for the media. "Gosh, they really made you sound like a snob."

"At least people aren't speculating about my identity on Facebook." Zoe shoots back, and Connor laughs.

"Point taken." He allows.

They settle down, and Connor puts the paper in his bag. Zoe sobers, very quickly. Her side twinges. "Did I ever actually thank you for dragging me out from under the ceiling when it caved in?" She says, softly, aware that anybody could overhear them.

"You didn't, but you don't need to, either." Connor replies, cooly, but his eyes hide worry.

"Oh, bullshit." Zoe says, crossing her arms. "Your hero complex is too large to take me being silent on the matter."

Connor looks a little amused. He adjusts her pillows and asks, "How tired are you right now?"

"Oh, I'm fucking exhausted." Zoe replies, smiling, sweetly at him, as he sits back down. His hair is tied back today. He's started doing that more often. She likes it.

"Maybe we should wait until you get back home to talk about this." Connor says to her, and gestures, vaguely, to his backpack.

"Maybe." She shrugs. "But you're here, right now."

"We can talk about boring shit until you go to sleep." He suggests, and the idea isn't unwelcome to her.

"Sure." Zoe feels a grin spread across her face. "How about you tell me about Evan."

"Evan isn't boring." Connor says, looking a little offended, on behalf of his boyfriend.

"He's not." She agrees. "But the way you daydream about him could put me right to sleep, and has in various occasions."

"Oh, fuck you." Connor laughs. "I'm gonna eat your pudding cup."

"Hey, I'm recovering from a severe injury, I deserve that pudding cup." Zoe retorts, scooping the aforementioned pudding cup out of his reach, and holding it as far as her side will allow.

"Fine, I'm sorry." Connor relents. And Zoe sighs in relief, replacing the pudding cup on her bed tray.

"Now," Zoe says, leaning back against her pillows and closing her eyes, "tell me about Evan."

"I love him." And Connor's voice is soft, the kind of soft his voice takes on when he talks bout really private things. Things they can talk about in the safety of each other bedrooms.

"Yeah?" She prompts.

"Yeah." He echoes, and sighs a little. "There's no one like Evan."

"Do you think he loves you?" Zoe asks him, opening her eyes.

"I know he does." Connor tells her, hands playing with the hem of his t-shirt. He's smiling at the floor, his neck kind of red. A strand of hair falls in front of his eyes, but he doesn't push it away.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah." Connor looks up again, and scratches his neck, as if not noticing how much he's blushing, but impulsively trying to hide it. "About two months ago, actually."

"And you _didn't tell me?"_ She punches him in the shoulder.

Connor rubs the sore spot and shrugs. "It wasn't important at the time." He informs her.

"It wasn't important at the time? Bullshit." She scoffs. "Someone says they love you, I want you to run screaming into my room and tell me all about it."

"Well, now you know all about it." Connor says, matter-of-factly, and then grins at her, mischievously. "Except, of course, for the-"

"Do _not_ finish that sentence." Zoe says in a warning tone, poking him in the chest. "I swear to god."

"Okay." He laughs, and she hits him with a pillow, and for a second it's easy to forget that she's in hospital and he's a freelance superhero.

But, well, that the Murphy's for you.

 

**Fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you liked that, please drop me a comment and let me know what you liked, and/or leave me a kudos. You can hmu on Tumblr @nose-coffee and come scream at me about my fics or DEH or musicals in general.
> 
> For those of you wondering, yes, I did get inspiration for the scene where they're trapped under the rubble from Spiderman Homecoming, because I legit almost cried in the theatre when I saw it. So, you know, I needed to make Connor hurt like that, apparently.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
